News from Missouri: "My iPhone flew away!"
These last few weeks, the press reported a number of incidents with the iPhone. More than isolated incidents, this phenomenon looks more and more like a global issue, and we dare think that the government should step in and declare it a public health concern.
Of course, many like to make fun of the various incidents and protagonists, even though there are more and more every day...
We had the chance to meet one of them. Here is his story.
Everything starts in the small town of Osage Beach, Missouri. Richard is timing his capacity to hold his breath with his iPhone. Richard is a scuba diver who trains himself with a stopwatch at home in his living room. As the iPhone is able to act as a stopwatch, he decided to use it for this particular task. Moreover, Richard installed the ChronoTweet application, allowing himself to instantly publish his best performances for his many friends around the world to see.
I don't understand... I already read some scary stuff about iPhones exploding and screens breaking. To protect myself, I decided to put my iPhone in a ZipLoc bag during my apnea sessions. I don't want to take any risks with the contest.
Contest indeed, Ricardo wants to enter the Guinness book of World Records by beating the apnea world record. He is very touchy on anything that could disturb one of his sessions. Even if his iPhone were to explode, Rick would have to stay focused. The ZipLoc bag should protect him from whatever the iPhone could go through.
I was holding my breath for one minute and fifty two seconds - about to break my personal record - when my iPhone started to tremble. The ZipLoc bag being a bit dirty, I didn't see the details of what was going on. I just saw it kinda opening in two and some stuff came out of the phone... The iPhone then started to shake furiously, jumping on the table. Unfortunately, I couldn't hold my breath anymore and had to take some air. I could have beaten my record!
So far, our friend Dick thinks that the iPhone screen is just shattering, just like the other cases he's read about. But the most intriguing is yet to come. Unfortunately, Dickeroo will not witness the next few seconds, because he rushed out of the room to grab his video camera. He wants a digital camcorder, and then thinks that by filming the scene, he could maybe win one on "America's Funniest Home Videos" (AFV).
When I came back, I couldn't see the iPhone. It was not on the table anymore. The noise behind my sofa led me to it. The damn thing was shaking furiously. And then I noticed something that stuck out of the ZipLoc bag... It looked like a gull wing or something, with feathers and stuff. By the time I to realized what was going on, another hole appeared in the bag and a second feather stuck out! My iPhone flew away before I could take a picture.
In fact, Dick'o'Dick couldn't find his video camera, so he got his still camera instead. He'll regret it later, as we'll soon discover.
My iPhone was all crazy! It was flying inside my living room like a bird in a cage... hitting walls and doors. I tried to get a picture in vain. It was too fast.
Ricky went to open his door so that the poor animal could go away and join its kind. Shocked, he had forgotten that it was an iPhone!!
As soon as I opened the door, the iPhone flew away. Then I could get a decent shot !
Magic Dick was kind enough to share his snapshot with us. We only got an "optimized" version, because he plan on selling the HD version.
Witnessing this incredible proof, we asked ourselves what the authorities would say. Luckily, he had already contacted the police.
The police didn't believe my story. I don't know what's up with it, but as soon as I start telling my story, everyone laughs or looks at me as if I were insane. It's hard to get the message through. Even showing the picture, nobody believes it happened! This is all very hard on me, I'm going crazy!
On top of this series of mind-boggling events, Dickie also had to endure the mockery of the police force. Dickie then turned to the manufacturer in desperation.
I also called Apple directly. They were very polite and said they needed the iPhone to do some analysis and decide whether the warranty could apply. How can I do that? My phone flew away!
Despite his best efforts, nobody would listen, let alone believe his story. Despite all this, Dickytykyty will keep a fond memory of this strange event. And he did learn his lesson.
From now on, I'll be more careful. I'll always keep my video camera at hand. Had I filmed the scene, I could have won a digital camera! This crazy adventure would not have been in vain!
When we announced to him that AFV was not likely to air again next season, Richard burst in tears. Too much emotions for one day...
Even if Ricky's case is so touching we have to remember all the other victims of the Apple-branded phone.
But wait! Before concluding on this story, some ground breaking news just hit the network from Europe! Another iPhone is at it again. From what we can gather, in France, the home button of an iPhone poped out and a small penis made its way through the hole! I can't believe it! This is incredible! I report it as is, it is too much to digest just now: In France, a woman in her sixties witnessed her iPhone sodomizing her dog!
A support group was set up promptly by the French authorities to assist the witnesses of this horrendous event. We unfortunately cannot give you more details at this time, our French language knowledge is ... very academic. You can however catch up with this story over there: http://myiphonefuckedmydog.fr. For some reason, you apparently have to pay to get through.
But let's get back to lovely Ricky, and let him give us the conclusion of this story:
In any case, I won't buy just another one. I'll buy several iPhones. I didn't know these things were actually alive! I wouldn't want it to be bored. Maybe they can even reproduce! And by owning several, I increase my chances to get one on video! Waitaminute! I could rig my birdcage with webcams ....
Apple will never cease to amaze us!
